Everything is AWESOME!!! as the Lego movie song might put it, playing jazz at weddings, that is. Melodious Crunk dons his tux
Every jazz musician in the world has, at some point, been offered a gig at a wedding. Whether it’s a friend’s brother’s friend’s sister’s wedding or a random call, everyone has had that question.
“Hey, gig for you next Saturday if you’re free. Two hours in the evening at the Bates Motel. There’s good money on it, are you up for it?”
“Is it a wedding?”
“...yes …”
“OK, I’ll do it!”
And so the seasoned jazz musician is booked to play at someone’s wedding next week. The bandleader – perhaps a piano player – plays jazz piano every night at the week and thinks it’ll be cool, everyone will love to hear ‘Don’t Get Around Much Any More’. That’s pretty upbeat for a wedding, right?
The other guys are called, and a cavalcade of jazz players are booked. The saxophone player normally plays Coltrane stuff. The bassist just loves Ray Brown. The piano player is really digging Esbjörn Svensson. The drummer loves odd-meter stuff, but the singer knows all the standards. Put these guys into a jazz club somewhere and they’ll swing all night, churning out hundreds of standards and great, ten minute solos over ‘You Don’t Know What Love Is’. That’s where these guys are comfortable, in their home from home, the jazz club stage.
At the hour – usually 8pm on a Saturday night – the musicians weigh in for their 9pm start. They’re playing for about two hours as ‘the band’. The guests are excited to hear a jazz band instead of the usual wedding fare of ‘Galway Girl’ and ‘Brown Eyed Girl’. It’ll be awesome, claim the hipsters with beards.
The first dance is a Garth Brooks song. The bandleader, eager to please, said that it would be no problem. The singer has learned the tune and all the other guys have the chart the pianist brought along. OK, there’s no guitar, but we’ll work through that. And as the first dance ends, the crowd cheer, and the singer suggests that everyone comes up to the stage for the next tune, ‘I’ve Got You Under My Skin’. A good standard, nice and bright, and everyone knows it. There are actual people dancing to the band, the solos are kept brief and in check; everything is going great!
By around the third song, people are starting to leave the dancefloor. Uh oh, how to get them back? Let’s do a ballad. As the singer announces it’s a slow tune to get everyone smooching on the dance floor, the pianist starts into ‘Skylark’. It’s a beautiful tune with a tricky bridge. Of course, everyone nails it because they’ve been playing it for years, but a few people on the floor aren’t sure about this song.
After the ballad, it’s back upbeat. And by this stage the floor is empty. ‘I Get a Kick Out of You’ has failed to get them back on the stage. The funky version of ‘Summertime’, always a classic, has not proved a hit. The jazz band are dying on stage here as no one’s dancing at all. And so, the first request comes up.
“…. no, but Jamie Cullum did this tune on his first album!”
The disappointed and inebriated wedding guest slinks off and complains to the rest of the table that the band aren’t any good and don’t know any good music. The musicians complain to each other about the state of the general public and launch into ‘Fly Me To The Moon’. The last few numbers, the big finishers are coming up and yet the dance floor is still empty. The musicians aren’t happy. The audience aren’t happy. The bandleader tries his hardest to reconcile everyone with ‘Moondance’ but it’s not enough – the buffet is more of an appeal than a swinging version of Van Morrison’s classic.
And so, with great delight, the last tune finishes and the DJ starts off. He’s no more than 30 seconds into ‘Dancing Queen’ and the dance floor is full. The musicians sigh, take the money, and drive home vowing never to do it again.
The moral of the story: don’t book a jazz band for your wedding because although it might seem like a great idea, no one wants to hear ‘It Don’t Mean a Thing’ after a few pints. Just book an actual wedding band – for everyone’s sake. • Previously... Melodious jangles pennies in his pocket wistfully
